Just to prove that I am not completely obsessed with organic farming, here's an article I wrote a while ago for the Irish Examiner about male roles and parenting in modern Ireland.
Whenever I take my kids to the park, I�m always amazed at how people keep saying things like �oh you�ve got your hands full there�. I mean, I�ve only got two kids! When my partner Vicki takes our kids and sometimes more kids to the same park, no one bats an eyelid. I got to wondering why this was the case: why do people still have lower expectations of men than women when it comes to parenting?
I spoke to Dr. Sara O� Sullivan, who teaches a course on gender in UCD about the issue. I suggested to her that people, in particular from an older generation, often have a conservative conception of the role of the man in the family. While she agreed, she qualified the idea by suggesting that within couples, expectations had in fact changed. It�s just that the practical realities of work hadn�t kept up: �within couples, there is an expectation of more involvement. There is an understanding that the breadwinner role is an outdated one, and that the father as nurturer and a carer is something that is expected. Some kind of contribution to other domestic work is usually expected by women. That can cause a little bit of difficulty because the broader context of work outside the home hasn�t changed, and that can be problematic for both men and women�
Some changes in Celtic Tiger Ireland have made the situation even more difficult. In particular, the length of time it takes to get to and from work each day. People live further and further away from where they work, so in many cases, the working day starts at 5 or 6 in the morning.
My own personal way of dealing with the problems of commuting has been to try to avoid it altogether. For the last few years, I�ve been working from home. Now, this obviously isn�t an option for everyone. But having previously commuted long distances I decided to try to cut it out, at least while the kids are so young. Working in academia, I decided to turn more to research than lecturing. I managed to get a research contract where I could do most of the research from home. I converted a garage into an office, got broadband in and this office is where in fact I�m writing this article from right now.
There are many effects of this, some positive, some negative. Overworking and cabin fever can be issues. Ironically, imposing a 9-5 type structure can sometimes be helpful.
While it�s great to see the kids more often, I often end up shooing them out of the office when I�m trying to work. This can be a bit disconcerting for them, as I�m there but not fully accessible. At least working away somewhere, I�d be, to some extent, �out of sight out of mind�, though there are obviously problems with that too.
However the positives completely outweigh the negatives. Notwithstanding the occasional need for structure, being in charge of your own time is great. Once I get enough work done, I can start and finish when I like. When I take breaks it�s with the family, and I can give a hand when needed. Being able to re-organise when I start and finish the day is handy for those vital occasional occurrences � like the World Cup. Proper hot food at lunch is a real treat. As my daily commute is walking down the stairs, I save on money, time and stress and obviously get to spend longer with my family.
My partner also works from home; she runs a child care service, and hopes to turn this into a cr�che. This might suggest we share the work load equally, but of course we don�t. As you can see from the ESRI figures in the box, men aren�t always great at doing their fair share.
I�m reasonably happy that I do enough of the kiddie/school-related activities and the cooking. We cook a lot because we�re both at home and are real foodies. But there are defiantly some things we men don�t seem to even realise need to be done. Sometimes it seems that men do the fun stuff with the kids and women do the more nitty-gritty stuff. Many men, myself included, seem to avoid some or all of the following: clipping the kid�s toenails, washing the floor and windows, scrubing the skirting boards, hoovering, cleaning the bathroom properly�eh, better stop there�.
Demographically, two parents working outside the home is the norm these days in Ireland.
Some academics suggest that women who work outside the home protect their dual roles. I put this point to Sara: �There is some recent American research on dual income families, looking at how women protect the role in the home even when they are working outside the home - to retain their gender identity, to present themselves as good wives, good mothers. So they seem to be doing huge amounts of work once they get home�
Along with this, society doesn�t value this work adequately. According to Sara �you are seeing a stalled revolution, in that women are entering the workforce in huge numbers, but there isn�t a countermovement into the home. I think the reasons for that are quite interesting. Work is valued, whereas work in the home isn�t�
Recent research suggests that on average, Irish women�s commute time to and from work is shorter than men�s. While this has obvious advantages, it is a double-edged sword. Does this suggest that, in general, women have jobs but men have careers? According to Sara: �Certainly for women with children, in Ireland at present, that would be the suggestion, yes�
What do these realities and expectations mean for modern men? Is masculinity is in crisis?
Dr. Anthony Clare (psychiatrist and author) points out that there has been a reduction in importance of manual labour, a decline in the breadwinner role, and changes in how families are formed and function. Many single parent families are thriving, and most of these are single female parent families. There are inevitable consequences for men: �the point of them, their purpose, their value, their justification - is a matter for public debate�
He suggests that men were once sure of their place in the world, and even when they weren�t, they created the impression that they were. Now, he claims, men are both less relevant and more anti-social: �Throughout the world�antisocial behaviour is essentially male�when it comes to aggression, delinquent behaviour, risk taking and social mayhem, men win gold�. Suicide is also a predominantly male practice.
In the past, Clare claims that in his practice he saw more women in crisis � �empty-nesters� who�d lost their identity. Today, however he sees middle-aged men who�ve been �put out to grass, compulsorily retired, downsized, rendered redundant.�
Think of Warren Schmidt, the character Jack Nicholson played in the movie About Schmidt, or Willy Loman in Arthur Miller�s Death of a Salesman. Clare himself points to Homer Simpson as an omnipresent and negative role model, telling kids that male parents are bumbling buffoons.
Sara points out that in advertising, men are often portrayed in this buffoon-like way: �all the adverts that use a dad, or a man in the kitchen, almost always position them as absolute ejits, with absolutely no competence in any domain. They are always saved by their wives or mother or somebody else.�
But is it really all that bad? Aren�t some men forging new identities, is identity more plural these days, and, if so, are all our little identity bits completely gendered all the time? What about the gender(ed) messages that migrants, travel, and the media give us?
Metrosexual man is one such new man, maybe even a new new man. Rather than being unsure of his place and identity, metro man puts the man into manicure.
Back to Sara: �The metrosexual is the dominant advertising image presented to men, and this is a lot more of a take up of beauty products, you know waxing, fake tans and the like. Certainly there is an increase in the emphasis on the body, but that�s younger men. I don�t think it really impacts on older men�
I�m not so sure that most younger men are comfortable being considered metrosexual. I reckon that men get ridiculed relentlessly when they partake in the next feminised product that comes along � currently it�s the manbag. Maybe men can act slightly metrosexually, once you don�t tell them that that�s what they�re doing.
At this stage, I�m not even sure if I�m not sure about my identity crisis. But I don�t mind. At least I don�t have to listen to Ian Dempsey or Ryan Tubridy while stuck in traffic in the morning.
